True Happyness at its Greatest.

We Rarely have the chance to do something amazing for those that we care about most and dont see often but when we care about them that much we will do what ever it takes to make them happy. A lot of stuff has happened since my last post and i am mostly writing this to aim it at someone that is close to me and possibly her sister might be reading this.

Throughout our lives we meet a lot of people that are selfish and few that are selfless, if you are reading this then you most likely know me to be the better of the two (selfless) but its those who are selfless that usually teach us the most not only about life but also about our selves. We tend to do what ever it takes to make those who care about us happy no matter what it takes and even sometimes when we know we aren't ever going to be in the picture like we have always dreamed of. But for me being the bestest friend is close enough cuz i know I will never truly lose that person. We can always be there for them during the good and the bad and sometimes try to lead them on the right path but what may be the right path for them isnt always the one we are hoping it is. But to me it doesn't matter or appear to anyways(but deep down it does greatly) as long we are close to that person in one way or another. Most of that time it means being their friend and not giving up on them or their happyness and just being there for them but on occasion we run into the "love" problem where we ask ourselves "WHAT IF?" even though we know that deep down inside it will never happen....

About a week ago she was having trouble with her boyfriend and for the past 4 months she hasn't been able to sleep and her boyfriend had been hurting her, i felt so helpless but i knew i had to stand my ground we talked and we talked only to find out that we had the same kind of feelings for eachother (after 5 years of hiding it from her) so we made a plan and over the next couple days we were going to set it into action. We were going to get her out of that place and I was finally gonna do what I had always wanted to do with her which was spend the rest of my life with her cuz i knew we were so much alike i could always make her happy and i was willing to do what ever it took to make her laugh and make sure she was always happy and not sad. I finally told her how i felt and she started putting the plan into motion. She told him that she was leaving in 2 months and he told her she should go but the next night he came back from work begging for her to come back and promising he would do what ever it took to make her happy and change for him. she felt bad and since she is also selfless and still in love with him the plan came to a screeching halt and just as fast as it come it had also gone. i bought her a expensive gift that she would always carry around with her that would remind me no matter what the offer would always stand. but honestly i doubt that will ever happen(why fight for something you know your never going to have?). so now we are back to bestest friends again.....Deep down inside I'm not too sure how i feel (hurt, disappointed maybe, confused) but i guess i knew from the start it would never work, but then again thats just my life.

I often wonder why god or who ever is in charge of life throws in these curveballs but maybe its help us realise that dreams can never become reality, or maybe it gives us motivation to stop trying i havent quite really figured it out though. But what i do know is that I'm always gonna have that same dream of being able to spend the rest of my life with her in one way or another. Some people would say that I'm being a little selfish by thinking about me and her in that relationship but when you know and care about that one that much then you truly will do what ever it takes to make them happy especially if you arent in the picture.

I've been told when you are in true love you neither get hurt or ever hurt someone else, I've also been told that there is always one possibility for ending up happy with someone and im starting to agree with both but at the same time im starting to give up on both. Well at least if i ever die ill have the gifts that i leave for people for them to remember me by, and then they can look back and remember how much of a change i have truly made in their life :-)

Some things just take time.

Every day all of us wonder whats going to happen "x" years ahead from now. Are we still going to be in touch with all of our friends, will we still be close to them, will we have a well paying job, will we ever talk again, will I have my license by then, am I still going to be the same person that I am today, etc... All if not some of these questions we ask our selves every year some more then others, but none of us really know what the future holds for us. Just during this vacation I started talking to someone that was really special to me back in middle school, and I couldn't believe that me and her would ever be talking to eachother again. But the point is is that every now and then our past will catch up with us sometimes in good ways others in bad ways. But we never know when, what where, why, or how our future is going to happen. Some people believe that god has everything planned out for us, others believe that if we let things play out then we will end up "happily ever after", and then there are those of us who dont even care what the future holds because they are too busy enjoying the present. Everyone of us thinks that we have an idea of what the future holds for us, but no one truly knows.

I usually say that life is a giant puzzle in order to complete it you need all of the people in your life to help you solve it, and I truly believe this. If you leave some people out of your life then you will never get what you are looking for most.....happyness..... Every one is different me, you, as well as everyone else, but untill people come to except that then there will always be people that never find happiness.

We never know what life is going to bring us, sometimes the future other times the past but the only way to solve the puzzle of life is bring them together into one :-)

Best Friends and time.(written by me, about me)

Many years ago we met, we were both new and lost,

We kept being pushed, and eventually we were tossed.

We became perfect best friends, who would always like to talk,

We went to my house and even the mall, we would sometimes even squawk.

But then something happened, I cant really explain how,

We seemed to have drifted apart. as far as we are now........

We really were so close, as close as we could be,

We were always goofing off, you would even laugh with me.
You told me I was the truest friend you had,
But every once in a wile I would always make you mad.
You really taught me a lot, more then I could ever know.
About more then I can name, too bad I was really slow.

But then some thing happened, I really don't know why,
But when that thing happened, I felt like I would die.
After summer we changed, and I felt so all alone,
You found someone that made you happy, but I was on my own.

I tried to make things better, the way that they once were,
But no matter what I tried, It always turned into a blur.
I tried to ask you questions, But you would never answer,
I then stated feeling awful, I thought that I had cancer.
I thought you didn't need me, I felt like I'd lost a friend,
I was getting depressed, because I though it was the end.

You really didn't need me, You had somebody you needed,
But I was all alone, and I really was unneeded.
I set my plan into action and so the story goes.
I acted really unworthy and this is why it blows.

We ended up not talking for the longest time,
But then this turns and this is how I rhyme.
Then we started talking, I don't know what about,
But this story keeps on going, with out a very doubt.

I stay true to my word, and promises that I make
I will not ever brake them even unless I die,
But if that ever happens that is sure to make you cry.
I promised you I do anything to make you happy,
Even if it makes my life crappy.
I promised you I'd always watch over you unlike most,
You will never see me, I will be like a ghost.
When ever you need me I Promise to be there,
No matter when No matter where I swear.

As time goes on we will always drift apart.
Just remember the goodtimes, just always use your heart.
No matter what has happened I'll always feel the same,
You and Me are Best Friends, there will always be a flame........

This poem isn't about love, its about friendship and how strong it really is. No matter when no matter where, no matter how, I promise to be there. Friendships are one of the things that no one should live with out, not me, not anyone. I just wanted to reflect on that.

PS the rhymes are corny.

People change

Every day 1%(estimated) of people in the world change. We never really know who's going to be the 1% that does all we really hope for is for things to stay the sameway so we never have to adjust to living without them in our lives. But most of the time we won't have control whether if they do or not. We can't ever truly plan on the way things are going to happen based on the years before because things change when we least expect them to.

Anyone that truly knows me well enough will say that I have a strong spirit that will never give up untill after I'm dead. I always trust people to do the right thing if it ever comes to that but I won't judge them differently if they don't, because some people honestly don't know how to do the right thing. When you make a promise to someone saying that you will always be there for them, then you need to keep good to your promise and if you don't then you are a coward! Who deserves to be rejected from life itself. For me I would rather die then
brake a promise I made to someone but others will make'em and brake'em without a care for the world.

I learn a lot from my friends and family and without them I would be nowhere and I would have given up years ago. But today I am officially an adult, I have to use what I've learned to succeed in this world like a lot of people don't because from this point on my life is in my hands. I have no idea what life as an adult is going to be like, will it be harder? Will it be tougher? And will I do well at it? I have no idea to the answers of any of these questions, so I'll let my friends and family answer them for me. Today is going to be a great day because it's the one day where everyone is happy I'm alive and well, and today is the day when I can look back and see how far I've come. Life is a pain and no one can plan how everything is going to happen but in the end lifes what you make of it...

New (school)year, New goals, and New plans.

Every year sometime during the first 2-3 weeks(or before then) we all try to make new plans and goals for that year. This year my 3 goals are to get near perfect grades(so I can get into a good college), to get a well paying job, and to pay back all of the many people who have helped me get through all of the tough times through out school(family, friends, etc). Last year I competed most of my goals, but there are always a few where something bad happens that makes it so you can't complete all of your goals. But last year I learned many things from all of the things that I did and this year I plan on learning even more.

No matter who we are, we take school for what it is....work. But when we become seniors we look back at the past and think differently compared to the way we did then. We remember the good times we had, the bad times, and most importantly the people we have met and enjoyed along the way. If we did something in the past that we regretted doing now is the time to make up for it. When we think about it we realize how fast time has truly gone and that this year is our last year of school and the journey we have taken with our classmates will be coming to a close in less then 9 months, for some of us this means taking the next step and going to college wile others will go find a job or go into the armed forces. No matter what we choose to do after school ends this year, its going to be a new beginning for everyone. But the year has just begun and we still have 9 months until that time. So as for now we should enjoy it wile we can because time flies when your having fun.......

Summer is coming to an end.

Summer vacation is coming to an end, which means a new schoolyear is about to begin. This is going to be an important year in many aspects, how ever it will also be my last with my classmates(I'm going to be a senior). A lot of us are busy planning "our" futures, wile some of us are looking back at our pasts and remembering the good times, fun times, hard times, and sad times that we shared along the way. Then there are some people who just want to enjoy the present. But this year is the year that will ultimately decide our futures and who we want to be.

No matter what happens this year I know that things will end up how they are soposed to for the best. Things are going to change this year but this year I'm ready for them. We all learn from the things that have happened to us in the past, and we become stronger because of it. But sometimes we just have to live life with no regrets. Someone taught me "if you keep looking at yesterday then your going to miss tomorrow"

Enjoying the Present

Today I had to have a filling done, and I hate Novocain so I always use laughing gas(nitrous oxide). Well I learned today that laughing gas actually slows down time which makes 40 minutes feel like 5 hours, I learned this by listening to my IPod. When I was listening to my music and under laughing gas the music actually slowed down to the point where it would freeze get the next"tune" then freeze again. It was in those moments in witch I found out how much the present actually means to me and what it would be like with out it. Its at those times where we also realize how much people mean to us when time comes to a crawl....More to come tomorrow.