You Really Don't Know What You Got Till Its Gone.

This was one of those years where I was looking forward to all the good things that would come from it if I did exactly as I planned to do so. But I didn't really put into account of me wanting other people to be happy rather then myself. I guess its kinda sad that we know things are going to change and yet we try our hardest to keep them the way they are, so we can just enjoy and live in the moment. But usually with me by the time I am living in the moment it only lasts maybe months then its over. I wait 9 years for something to happen, it finally does, then something changes and its over faster then we want it to(before we get to enjoy it fully). But then again its just those small moments where "we feel like anything could happen and it would be ok," that make a huge difference in our lives that we remember forever. And I almost think that its those small moments that make us who we are today. But in reality nothing good can last forever.....

Less then .003% of the worlds population understands my way of thinking and my outlook on life. And less then a quarter of that percentage agrees with my way of thinking.

Every year we all get older, and every year those people that are close to us change in one way or another. Sometimes they change for the worst and other times they change for the better but who am I to judge. I'm one of those people that holds on tight to someone and doesn't let go. The people that were once close to me or are close to me, my thoughts about them and where they stand with me will never change, But for them where I stand with them is going to change. Most likely they will change in one way that I can't handle like giving me a lot of attention to giving little attention even though in their heads I am still close to them, in reality I perceive those situations as them not caring for me as much or me not being so close to them its times like those that get me into trouble. Giving me a lot of attention to giving me little is almost like me talking to you every day, every minute then going a whole week with out saying a word to you. I really don't know how to explain but I guess the easiest way to explain it is getting your heart broken(many people only refer to this as in a bf/gf scenario, I don't).

The people I care about mean everything to me weather I am willing to admit it or not. I would easily give my life for them, I would easily have them hate me for helping them out and having to live with ti, I would easily go pick them up if they needed a ride no-matter where they were, I would easily help them out if they ever needed anyone to talk to, I would easily get suspended or expelled for helping to defend them in a fight, and I would easily lend them $5,000.00 if they ever needed it. Its the people I care about that keep me alive and give me the will to live. But when 10 of those people die then chances are I will probably die also, because I won't be-able to live through that pain of loosing someone I care about.

Anyway thats enough for tonight so more to come soon.