At the end of last year for the last 3 days I was hoping that this year would be the best school year of my life, But I was afraid because I had a feeling that it would be one of the worst school years. This year I have lost a lot of important things, and people that matter most to me. Some of which I thought I could avoid and possibly keep it from happening but that failed. Other times it was due to other peoples decisions that put me where I am today. But I have also made some of the hardest choices of my life one of which cost me one of the best friendships I have ever had. Then there are those things that just seem to happen that nobody can avoid happening. The more I look at these things the more depressed I seem to become, I guess thats the problem with being a deep thinker.
As I become older I begin to develop and learn how my decisions always effect other people. Most of the time I make the right ones but other times I make wrong decisions that cost me in the long run. As we become older we begin to change in many ways, sometimes we notice the changes and other times we don't then there are those changes that happen to us that other people notice and sometimes other people don't know how to handle those changes that are happening to us. I especially don't know how to handle change a big part of the time. A lot of the time a small change for them is a major change for me like the amount of time you spend with someone and when your personality changes. But a lot of that I can't control. I've seen a lot of changes through out this year, I've seen mean people turn into great people and great people turn into mean people.
Another thing that has happened to me this year is I have lost a pet and my great grandmother, my great grandmother was one of my heros and its one of the most unbearable pains there is when someone you admire ether dies or changes into another person. But ether way there is a point where we have to let them go. Its never a easy thing for me(its the hardest thing for me, knowing when to let go).
On a good note though, I've also been lucky to be able to have the opportunity to work with people that I use to go to school with, and have them work with me to educate other people about what its like living with autism. I once even made them cry on accident but somehow I feel as if it has made us even closer. I know that with working with them that we will make a difference in the world so no one has to go through what I did when I was going through school. It's small things like this that give me hope and make me believe that everything is going to work out ok and that I have nothing to worry about[in the future].
I always have trouble with change but in the end I guess thats what makes life a pain but it also make it near perfect because with out these difficulties we wouldn't realize how lucky we are to have people that care about us, and to have the opportunities that we do. The tunnel of life is always going to be dark but no matter what that light is always going to be at the end of it, We just can't give up because then we would be letting down all of those people who believed in us. But I've wrote enough for tonight so I'll write more soon. Goodnight, and Goodluck
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