Some things I was thinking at school a couple days ago.

your conscience is a powerful thing. It controls a lot of the choices that we make. If we do something wrong and its hard to live with it then that's your conscience. Not everyone has one but for me its a powerful emotion/reaction/thought.All of the choices we make will effect not only us but the people around us. Sometimes its hard to make the decision but Most of the time I make the right one. Everyday we learn something new that we may not have known before. Sometimes its a useless fact that no one can relate to, and other times its important lessons that help us with every day life, friendship, family, and most importantly choices. Last week I finally learned that what splits us apart sometimes will eventually bring us closer together. No two days can be the same but learning to live in the present is a hard thing. In the past I have lived in the past and the future with out living life to the fullest in the present. There are always going to be bad days, rainy days, snowy days and even foggy days, but the next day it could be sunny. Not everyone can see whats right in front of the time, and I'm one of those people. This year I have had to make some of the hardest decisions that I have ever had to make. Some of them will
turn out for the best and the other ones will haunt us for the rest of out lives. But Its the motivation of knowing that good things will come eventually that keeps a lot of us going, including me, But sometimes we forget to have fun and enjoy the present. For the One of the first times this year I have had a day where I'm happy because I know that everything is going to turn out the right way, and if it doesn't then I know that I gave it my best. Friendship and family mean a lot to me. I have a heart of gold and that's why I can't live with something bad happening to someone else and not being able to help them. I'm always thinking about other people 24/7 and how my choices will effect them. But learning to let go is harder for me then most
people because things and people are more meaningful to me then people will ever know. Imagine not being able to let go of someone you love(family friends etc.). At first I didn't listen to anyone because I thought that I could save them but as time went on I wasn't getting through and people kept telling me to let go. Eventually I got in trouble and I had no other option then to let go. Letting go isn't as with most people because people mean so much to me(I hope its the same with them). There was only one option left end it for good. It went better then I thought it would and it got me to stop thinking/remembering/hoping and worrying about them. In the future I know that we will come back together even closer then we were before. That is how
humans are we fight, we argue, and we love and remember. But I guess in life we have to do things that we don't want to do. Some things are always going to be harder then other things. Then of course there are always going to be fun things that happen but no one can make us do what we don't want to do "You can lead a donkey to water but you can't make him drink". I try to see the best in people and find out who they really are usually I get through but its not everyday where you meet people that we can trust with our lives. Sometimes I just look up at the stars and wonder "What if?". But We could day dream all day about what could happen, but in the end only 1 way is truly meant to happen, and we are the only ones who decides what truly is
going to happen. Any one can see the future but no one knows what is going to happen until it happens. There are over a 100,000,000,000,000 different ways that things can happen and imagine being able to see every single one of them and being able to see the outcome of those choices before they actually happens, well I have that ability. The only way for us to get over our fears are to face them. I use to be afraid of the future or what could and will happen, but I faced those fears and now I'm not afraid. same thing with my fear of heights, Now I can go up 50 feet in the air blindfolded and not be afraid of what could happen, and even falling. Some people are meant to be good and others are meant to be bad I guess. Many people try living life by putting other people down because they think it is fun, But there are people like us who are the opposite and we end up feeling good when we help people that sometimes need it the most. Not everyone has the ability to express feelings, it took me 12 years to learn how to talk about how I am feeling and what is going through my mind most of the time. Everyone has the ability to do good for other people but its us that decides weather or not to do good or bad. The Student to Student Autism Alliance I hope will help explain to people a lot of the common day to day problems that can be a lot more trouble for some people then others. I have had to live through a lot of problems that I have had to face most of them I have made good choices and decisions
but there are those times where I don't make good decisions. I'm not planning on living long but every day I'm always thinking of other people instead of thinking and worrying about myself. Not everybody will ever be able to understand me completely but I hope that this helps those who have the same trouble or are trying to learn what goes through my head of a day to day basis. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like being normal not thinking half the time and being able to relax but I don't have that Ability. Sometimes I also wonder what it would feel like being loved by someone else,Is it possible to miss something we've never had? There are so many questions I would like to be answered but in the end I'm the one that has to find answers to all of those questions. Life takes turns sometimes we are ready for them and sometimes we are not. But learning how to handle what to do when we come to those turns is a big thing we have to learn how to do. This is tough for me I imagine that its tough for anyone that has autism. I dont want other people to be judged the same way I was/am but this is happening everyday to someone and I want to save as many as I can. A lot of the time we dream about some great things happening to us, sometimes they do sometimes they don't, Then of course there are times when we are surprised that great things are happening to us but not the way we planed....but better then we have planed. I use to think that people wouldn't change their way of thinking, and I use to think that they didn't care. They may not have cared back then because they didn't know any better, But when I tell them what they did and how they treated me they start to cry and regret all of the bad things they did. But the main point was I was wrong. But its when they say they are sorry and truly mean it that it takes up for all of the bad things that happened in the past.