wow

Well today and yesterday were pretty fun :-D. Even though we only made it to the quarterfinals I still had a lot of fun(and we got to see The Blue Man Group). To me winning isn't everything, its having fun that is more important.

On the way to the competition and I was listening to my music like usual, but the thing about me and music is that every song I have on my Ipod reminds me of something/sometime/or someone. Some of the songs I can relate to and others bring back memories of when I first heard that song and what was happening at that time. Imagine being able to play a movie inside your head with your eyes open and not noticing anything around you(kinda like meditating) just to waste time, well that's basically what I do on the bus to and from school everyday. I can listen to a song, zone out, and not notice anything around me kinda like I'm in a different place and I wont remember anything I saw or heard until it gets out of my head.

Friendship is a hard thing to come by for me. Every year is guaranteed to be different friend wise. For me it seems that no matter how hard I try to keep things the same between me and my friends they always end up different some how. Last year was the best year for me, because I got closest to someone then anyone in my whole life. But this year as you would expect isn't really the same which is sad but true. But things I guess are always going to change. But the way I feel is always going to be the same(listen to "I'm still here"). Friends for me dont come often but they always last, when they do... But as we all get older we will eventually grow apart but not on purpose... :-( :'( :'(

Every day I go over the choices that I have made in the past and I wonder "What If..?" and every time I start thinking about that I end up getting depressed because I always wonder if I did have another chance to face that same choice would I have made that same choice if I knew what the outcome of it would be??

Feelings are always going to be a hard thing for me to talk about so now is a good time to start. Though out my whole life I'm always afraid of what people would think about me if they knew how I truly felt about them. In 8th grade I was going to tell someone how I truly felt about her but I waited too long and right when I was going to tell her, I ended up finding her slow dancing with another guy(she’s still with him right now). And when that happened I was heartbroken and I felt like I could never have another crush on anyone again because I never would want to feel that pain ever again. And yet life goes on. Since then I have had # of crushes since then. But I haven't told a single one of them how I have truly felt because I am afraid that the outcome of them going out with me wouldn't end well and they wouldn't end up being happy.... If I had one wish in my lifetime that wish would be "I wish that everyone I love and care about would be happy no matter what the cost"(including friends,family,etc.).. Hormones aren't easy for anyone to handle most people act on those hormones(not naming anyone), and others(like me) ignore them and make sure that they don’t effect our actions, or our way of thinking. But some day I have a feeling that I'll find the right girl :-P. Any way that’s enough about me for one day and I'm headed to bed. Stay tuned for tomorrow's post.